Monday, 30 January 2017

Ask Uri - What Is A Silent Killer? Carbon Monoxide And Assassin's?

A silent killer is a manifestation that unbeknown to you, silently and without warning, creeps up and kills you without you even realising you were in danger!

Let's deal with the first one Carbon Monoxide.

Carbon Monoxide is a highly poisonous gas, not only can it cause death but also serious long term health problems such as brain damage.

Carbon Monoxide is produced by the incomplete burning of fuel. This can happen when a gas appliance has been incorrectly fitted, badly repaired or poorly maintained. It can also occur if flues, chimneys or vents are blocked.

Oil and solid fuels such as coal, wood, petrol and oil can also produce Carbon Monoxide.

Poisoning occurs when you breathe in the gas and it replaces oxygen in your bloodstream, without oxygen your body tissue and cells die.

So it really is very simple - Buy a Carbon Monoxide Detector and fit it - NOW

Now the other type of silent killer is an Assassin.

Generally they are unassuming, you would not be able to spot one if they came up and poked you in the eye. They blend in, act regular, giving nothing away.

There methods of putting you to sleep vary, but the one thing that is common is you will never know anything about it.

An Assassin, may have a very ordinary job, such as driving a bus, he may not look like the films portray these days, always dressed in black and hanging out in seedy pubs hiding behind a paper. No, he could be the fat jolly fellow with a beard who said good morning to you today!

So be aware, just like Carbon Monoxide they are just as deadly, give no warnings and leave no sign of a struggle.

My best advice would be to stay clear of fat men with beards and buy a detector like the one above.

You have been warned!

Saturday, 28 January 2017

Ask Uri - How Can I Make My Beard Grow Faster?

A question asked often by those who are struggling to grow a beard.

There are many claims that by using certain lotions and potions you can speed up the process of beard growth.

I have to be honest with you all now, they are all rubbish, you may as well sit under a tree and pray to the Lord Almighty for what little good it will do you

However, there are things that you can do to make yourself become more manly and in doing so your beard will grow just fine.

1. You must be a man, and not just in the sense that you have balls! 

2. You must learn how to wrestle bears and be friends with them afterwards.

3. You must learn how to drink vodka, shoot a gun, whilst riding a motorcycle and sidecar.

4. To be able to stand on your own two feet when every one else is trying to step on yours.

5. You must show compassion, but no mercy to those who do you wrong.

6. Never hold a grudge! Get even.

7. Eat as if it is your last meal - You never know it may well be.

8. Keep your feet dry at all times.

9. Make your enemies your friends and your friends fearful.

10. Never shave!

By following the above code your beard will grow magnificently and you will be the envy of your town.

Bearded brothers - stay bearded! 

Sunday, 22 January 2017

To Beard Or Not To Beard

What is a beard?

A beard can be many things to many people. You can hide behind a beard or your can use your beard as a statement much like a peacock!

It can wreck havoc with peoples minds, some love a beard, whilst others shy away and actually have a phobia about them, commonly known as pogonophobia!

In some countries a beard is a cultural symbol, gaining the wearer authority, dominance and respect.

In the Western world and in modern times it is seen mainly as a fashion statement worn by hipsters who like to think they are cool eating lasagna from a bed pan whilst perched on a stool with the table at knee height! 

Or like myself who views simply having a beard as a manly thing to have.

My beard does not define who I am, rather it defines who I am not!
A majestic beard instantly commands respect, it also gives oneself a sense of worth. Not everyone can grow a beard.

Many attempt and fail dismally, some men are just not cut out for it at all. There are some spectacular fails around. In fact there are women around with better beards than some men.

A beard is an extension of you, it says a lot about who you are as a person.

But, your beard is only as good as the man behind it - Your beard requires maintenance, not a lot, but nevertheless it requires nourishment.

What better way than with one of three blends of oil, hand crafted by myself - Uri, Master Monger of Beard Oils.

Pop along to to choose your poison!

Monday, 16 January 2017

Having A Beard Is A Very Handy Thing To Have!

Having travelled the world many times over in my old job as a KGB secret agent, it was always a good job to blend in with the locals.

A beard is a great way to change your appearance, it can alter the shape of your face depending on whether you have a full on bushy beard or a neatly trimmed slimline one.

Here I am after spending some time in Beijing.

As you can see I take it very seriously, the art of blending in with one's surroundings is a must, to be a top secret agent!

I knew from an early age that I would always have a beard, it just seemed the natural thing to have!

So it was destiny that I joined the KGB and started my secret life. Having to blend in was always a challenge. But, as time went on I found it became second nature.  I became a master of disguise.

Here I am after spending some time in Cuba with some of my comrades.

I enjoyed Cuba. Rum is not as good as Vodka, but when in Rome!

Which reminds me - Italy, the hot house of fashion and football. Here I played for a while, I used it as an excuse to keep myself fit and healthy.

Over the years my beard has developed, as has my bone structure and body shape. Looking at me today you would never guess my past.

I miss the old days, so many stories to tell, maybe I will enlighten you all on here - who knows!

One thing is for sure - my legacy continues.............

For further information on my fabulous beard oils trot on over to 

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Why Do You Grow A Beard?

I'm often asked - Why did you start growing a beard?

There are many reasons why - Here are just a few.

  1. I always wanted to grow a beard.
  2. I wanted to see how I would look with a beard.
  3. I look more handsome with a beard.
  4. I hate to shave.
  5. I like to look at my beard in a mirror.
However, that is all total bollocks!

I simply had no choice. Having to lay low after a botched job where my security was compromised meant I was posted to a listening station high up in the Russian Tundra.

The nearest town was 220 miles away, where you could only buy fuel, seal blubber and an endless supply of tin buckets. Shaving was not high on anyone's list of priorities.

However, having a beard did have it's advantages.

Firstly during the summer it was excellent for keeping the midges away from your skin. They can be pesky blighters and a thick beard certainly made them work hard for your blood!

Secondly during the winter it was fantastic insulation, at -35 you need all the insulation you can get I can tell you!

Thirdly, it is amazing what a beard can do, it is brilliant for storage, I have found peas, peanuts, a small allen key and watchmakers screwdriver in mine!

Finally, having a beard gave me something to do. Listening to white static noise and the Archers is hardly riveting.

So it was here that I developed my first range of beard oils.

I spent many hours perfecting the right smells and ingredients.

I did make one serious mistake - There is no where any where that tells you that the smell of Rosewood, Pine, Musk and Jojoba oil is similar to the smell of a hormonal female moose.

Thankfully the door to my cabin was narrow and the male moose had a mighty fine and wide set of antlers!

It was a tricky business I can tell you!

So having had a beard for some time now would I ever shave it off? 

No - never, it has defined who I now am, whilst some men build a legacy, I decided to grow mine.

For more information on my range of beard oils click here - 

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Website Launch Of Cossack Beard Oil

It's taken a bit of doing, but we have finally got there!

The website is now up and running with all the links checked out, a few teething problems along the way, but it has all worked out fine so far.

The site finally went live this morning, no fanfares or caviar, just sat in a cold room due to the boiler breaking down last night at 4am!

At least the cold reminds me of Mother Russia, now that was cold! -38 with the wolves howling at night!

My wood burner would glow red hot at night, but with the bear skins thrown over my bed I was as warm as a rabbit in a stew! Is that not how you say it in the UK?

I miss those simple days, nostalgia is a wonderful thing, but it is a thing of the past, you cannot recreate it.

So onwards Comrades - the fight to enlighten all those who grow a beard has just begun.

We need to tell all those beardy folk how to nourish, care and handle one's finest asset.

With this blog and my infamous range of beard oils of "Freshly Dug Grave", "Black Sea" and "Citrus Mask" we can bring life to your beard where once I only brought death!

How times have changed!!

Some men build a legacy - I decided to grow mine.

Monday, 2 January 2017

Happy New Year - Website About To Go Live!

Well, its 2017 and some serious changes are about to happen!

It's taken a while but at last the finishing touches are being made to the website and it will be launched within the next 24hrs!

Here you will be able to buy my fabulous range of beard oils, "Freshly Dug Grave", "Black Sea", and of course "Citrus Mask".

Each identifiable and unique.

Whilst there are plenty of beard oil companies to choose from, most if not all appear to have the same recipe of pine or eucalyptus!

Neither of these are what a man should smell of unless he has a cold or is a squirrel!

May your 2017 be as wonderful as I expect mine to be!

Some men build a legacy - I decided to grow mine!